It’s gotten a bad rap as we’ve been told that empathy is what matters.

There is no timeline yet for when a coronavirus vaccine will be deemed safe and available for kids under age 16. However, you should still be keeping them up with their regular wellness checks and immunisation schedules, even as we continue to work our way through this pandemic.

For some kids (and adults), even the thought of that needle can send them into a panic. They’re probably never going to love getting a shot, but you can help reduce some of their anxiety with a little preparation.

Prepare them

Springing a shot on a child, once they’re old enough to know what one is and they have shown some anxiety over it, is usually not a good idea. I didn’t offer up the information when my son was very little and largely unaware of what was happening; but by the time he was old enough to ask whether he was going to get a shot, I answered honestly.

It’s important to explain to kids in basic language why the shot is important (“It prevents you from getting certain diseases that could make you very sick”), acknowledge any anxiety they have about it (“It sounds like you’re feeling a little nervous; I’ll be right there with you the whole time”), and be honest about what they’ll experience. A shot does feel painful to some people, even if it’s just for a moment; to say they “won’t feel a thing” isn’t necessarily true and may make them feel like you lied to them. Instead, focus on the briefness of the discomfort: “It only hurts for a second, like a small pinch, and then it’s done.”

You may want to choose a relaxation technique or breathing exercise that you can do together when it’s time for them to receive the shot, such as counting down from three, singing a favourite song, or doing some deep breathing together. Don’t forget to vocalise whatever relaxation technique you’ve practiced to the doctor or nurse before they get ready to administer the shot. If you don’t, the doctor may give your child directions that are contrary to what you’ve practiced, which may be confusing for them.

It’s also worth noting that if they’re not displaying any worry over getting a shot, there’s no need for the extensive prep — that will only make them think maybe they do have something to worry about. Follow their lead on this.

Give them some control

Getting a vaccination can be anxiety-inducing, even for adults. And the central part of the experience — whether or not to actually get the shot — is not in their control. But there are lots of other choices you can let them make to help them feel like they’re directing the action, rather than have the action happen to them against their will. To start, before you leave home, ask them if there is a comfort item, such as a stuffed animal or favourite blanket, they’d like to bring with them to squeeze or provide a distraction.

When you go into the exam room, let them choose to sit in your lap or on their own. They can choose which arm gets the shot, and which Band-Aid will cover it up. (If you’re not sure whether their doctor will have a selection of Band-Aids, you could bring one from home and they can choose between yours and the doctor’s.) If you’re both getting a flu shot, ask if they’d like to watch you go first, and they can help you be brave. I’m not suggesting you flood them with an overwhelming number of choices, but letting them have a say in a couple of these things can ease a feeling of helplessness.

But perhaps most importantly: Remain calm yourself throughout the entire process. It can be heartbreaking to watch your child experience fear or pain, but they will feed, at least partially, off your own emotions. If you seem anxious, it is likely to make them even more nervous. Be encouraging throughout the experience and praise them afterward for being brave.

End with some kind of treat

There are different views on whether rewarding a child with treats is ever ok or always a terrible idea. I personally fall into the “I won’t bribe you to behave , but I will celebrate your bravery after you’ve done a hard thing” camp — and it takes bravery to get a shot when you’re scared of that needle.

Not all treats have to come with a cheap plastic toy or be covered in sprinkles. You could promise you’ll cue up their favourite movie when you get home or play their favourite game after dinner. Maybe you’ll swing by the playground after their appointment or you’ll add bubbles to their evening bath. You can focus your “treat” either on something they love to do or something that will comfort them.

The post How to Handle Your Kid’s Fear of Shots appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .

The words “sympathy” and “empathy” are often used interchangeably, but while both refer to how one responds to another’s suffering, they do not mean the same thing or offer the same experience for either you or the person receiving them.

To start, here’s what Grammarly says about the history of empathy and sympathy, and how they are connected:

Of the two words, empathy is the more recent entry into the English language. Sympathy was in use for almost 300 years before empathy ’s first written record in the nineteenth century. You might notice that both words contain -pathy , and that’s what makes them sort of similar–they share the same Greek root word pathos , which means “feelings” or “emotion,” but also “suffering” or “calamity.” But while both words deal with emotions, they are still very far from being synonyms.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the capacity to be able to imagine oneself in someone else’s situation, either because you have experienced something similar or because you can understand their feelings to a depth with which it feels as though you’re having them yourself. To be empathetic is to create a shared experience with another person.

Empathy tends to look like someone who really listens, and it can sound like, “That must be so difficult,” and “How are you feeling?” A Kids Book About Empathy (by Daron K. Roberts) explains it in a way both adults and kids can understand:

It’s when you feel with someone who is experiencing something that’s hard, sad, or scary. Empathy means you listen, don’t judge, feel with, and ask questions.

In other words, to empathise is to experience another’s emotion . It is feeling with someone.

What is sympathy?

Sympathy is less about experiencing the emotions of another person and more about feeling and expressing your concern, pity, or sorrow over their pain or misfortune. “Sympathy cards,” therefore, are aptly named because they provide a way to you to voice the sadness you feel for their experience.

When someone sympathizes, they feel bad about what someone else is going through without fully walking the emotional journey with them. Sympathy sounds like, “I’m sorry,” or “That really sucks.”

In other words, to sympathise is to commiserate with the struggle another is experiencing . It is feeling for someone.

The post How to Spot the Difference Between Sympathy and Empathy appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .

If you’ve found yourself having an overblown reaction to something relatively small during the past year or so, you’re not alone. We’re all juggling so much — mentally and emotionally — that it can be difficult to continuously have to process everything that comes our way. These can be anything from major threats — like the global pandemic, racial injustice and violence, and economic/financial insecurity — to your average everyday annoyances.

When faced with so much at one time, it’s easy to have big, emotional reactions to everything, even the smaller stuff. One way to help deal with this is by strengthening your emotional agility. Here are three tips for doing that.

What is emotional agility?

If you haven’t heard of “emotional agility” before, that may be because it has only been around since 2013, when leadership coaches Dr. Susan David and Christina Congleton first coined the term in a Harvard Business Review article . Basically, emotional agility is exactly what it sounds like: having the ability and skills necessary to think problems and emotions that come up through during periods of complexity and change.

As David explained in a recent episode of the Armchair Expert podcast , there are three key skills you can practice to improve your emotional agility in uncertain times: acceptance, compassion and curiosity. Here are some ways to improve each of those crucial skills, according to Vanessa Loder, a former Wall Street and Silicon Valley executive, now working as a mindfulness consultant.

Acceptance

According to Loder in an article for MindBodyGreen , emotional agility begins with recognising that you are not your feelings. She writes :

Labelling your thoughts and feelings is a powerful way to begin accepting what you are feeling without being overtaken by it. When you say, “I am sad,” you become fused with sadness. It is now your identity. You are the grey cloud of sadness. When you say; “I notice that I’m feeling sadness,” now you are more the observer. You are the sky. The grey cloud of sadness is simply passing through.

Compassion

Now that you’ve identified how you’re feeling, approach the emotions with compassion. Per Loder :

When you label your emotions more accurately, you can better understand the cause of that emotion and what you can be doing in relation to that emotion. If underneath your stress is loneliness, perhaps you are craving more intimacy and connection so it’s important to reach out and call a friend. On the other hand, if behind your stress is disappointment, maybe it’s time to have a difficult conversation with your boss or express your disappointment to someone.

Curiosity

Get curious about why your emotions are causing a specific reaction. Loder says that the next time you are processing a difficult emotion, ask yourself “What is this emotion trying to tell me that is important to me right now?” She goes on to explain :

If your emotion is telling you that you’re upset with your boss or colleague, it doesn’t mean you need to tell off your boss or suppress your anger and put on a happy face. As David says, “Emotions are data, not directives.” Instead, ask what can bring you closer to creating the career and life you love? Get curious about what value that emotion is pointing you toward. That is the power of our emotions; they are guideposts to our deeper truth.

Yes, these strategies do take some time and practice, because let’s face it: it may seem much easier to have a generic Big Feelings reaction to everything and let it get us worked up, but really, we’re only adding additional stress to our plate when we do that.

The post Use These 3 Skills to Increase Your Emotional Agility appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .