Arte consacre toute une programmation spéciale de l'été 2023 aux « Passions anglaises ». Il est encore temps de se plonger dans ces 6 séries, accessibles gratuitement. Avec une tasse de thé, of course. [Lire la suite]

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Face aux femmes qui parlent de sexe en ligne, la gêne est ancestrale. Pourtant, on peut critiquer la mysoginie de certains contenus, sans tomber dans le snobisme de pratiques typiquement féminines. C'est le sujet de la newsletter Règle 30 de la semaine. [Lire la suite]

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Difficile de s'arrêter après les 6 épisodes de La Reine Charlotte : Un chapitre Bridgerton sur Netflix. Voici d'autres séries pour se plonger dans toujours plus de drames romantiques et historiques. [Lire la suite]

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Avec des milliards de vues, le hashtag Booktok révolutionne le monde du livre. Si bien que les maisons d'édition misent sur la romance et la fantasy dans leurs catalogues, deux genres populaires dans la communauté. Mais, cette nouvelle tendance de lecture, où l'on trouve parfois beaucoup de violence envers les femmes, peut questionner. [Lire la suite]

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Love is a complex and powerful force, one that plays out in a number of emotional, cognitive and social ways. According to the late psychologist John Alan Lee, there are six broad styles of love: Agape, Ludus, Storge, Eros, Mania and Pragma. We look at each in turn to help you determine the type of lover you are and the type of lover you need.

When we love a person, we feel emotional arousal in their presence. We will also have a set of thoughts (or cognitions) about that person, and our previous experiences can shape our ideas about what we expect in our relationships. For example, if you believe in love at first sight, then you are more likely to experience it .

But we use love in many different contexts. You might say that you love your partner, or your family, or your best friend, your job or even your car. Clearly, you’re using the term in different ways that highlight the various dimensions of love.

The ancient Greeks described several different types of love . Following the Greeks, the sociologist and activist John Alan Lee suggested that there are six broad styles of love .

It is good to keep in mind that although these love styles can be thought of as “types”, we are not necessarily locked into only one . We might have a predominant love style, but we will also have some elements of the other styles.

Similarly, our love style might change over time based on our experiences and interactions with our partners.

Eros

This style is typically experienced as a romantic, fairytale-type love. Physical beauty is important to this love style. Attraction is intense and immediate (“head over heels”), and the Eros lover feels an urgent drive to deepen the relationship emotionally and physically.

Because these individuals love the feeling of being in love, they tend to be serial monogamists, staying in a relationship as long as it feels fresh and compelling, then moving on so they can experience those same feelings again with someone new.

Storge

Storgic types tend to be stable and committed in their relationships. They value companionship, psychological closeness and trust. For these individuals, love relationships can sometimes grow out of friendships, so that love sneaks up on the pair. This love style is enduring, and these individuals are in it for the long haul.

Ludus

People with a ludic style view love as a game that they are playing to win. Often this can be a multiplayer game! Ludic individuals are comfortable with deception and manipulation in their relationships. They tend to be low on commitment and are often emotionally distant.

Because ludic individuals are more focused on the short term, they tend to place greater importance on the physical characteristics of their mate than do the other love styles. They are also more likely to engage in sexual hookups.

Pragma

Practicality rules for this type. Logic is used to determine compatibility and future prospects. This doesn’t mean that these individuals use an emotionless, Spock-like approach to their relationships, rather they a place a high importance on whether a potential mate will be suited to meeting their needs.

These needs might be social or financial. Pragmatists might wonder if their prospective partner would be accepted by family and friends, or whether they’re good with money. The might also evaluate their emotional assets; for example, does a would-be partner have the skills to be calm in times of stress?

Mania

This refers to an obsessive love style. These individuals tend to be emotionally dependent and to need fairly constant reassurance in a relationship. Someone with this love style is likely to experience peaks of joy and troughs of sorrow, depending on the extent to which their partner can accommodate their needs.

Because of the possessiveness associated with this style, jealousy can be an issue for these individuals.

Agape

Agapic individuals are giving and caring, and are centred on their partner’s needs. This is largely a selfless and unconditional love. An agapic partner will love you just as you are. But they will also be particularly appreciative of acts of care and kindness that they receive back from their partner.

Perhaps because these individuals are so accepting, they tend to have very high levels of relationship satisfaction.

The Truth About Love

The kind of love that we feel towards our significant other is likely to change over time . At the start of a relationship we feel anticipation about seeing our partner and we are excited every time we see them.

These are the heady feelings we associate with being in love, and are very characteristic of romantic love. But in almost all relationships, these intense emotions are not sustainable, and will fade over months to a couple of years.

Those passionate feelings will then be replaced by deeper connection as the people in the partnership grow to truly know each other. This stage is “companionate love” and can last a lifetime (or beyond).

Unfortunately, many people do not realise that the evolution from romantic love to companionate love is a normal – and indeed healthy – transition. Because the ardent feelings of adoration subside, sometimes people will think that they have fallen out of love, when in fact the intimacy and closeness of companionate love can be extremely powerful, if only given the chance.

This is a shame, as these individuals might never experience the life satisfaction that is associated with companionate love .

This article was originally published on The Conversation .

The post The Six Styles Of Love appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .

You might dress well, have a cool job and be blessed with beauty, but flirting is where the real magic of attraction is, especially when it comes to first impressions. In fact, good flirting is often more effective than good looks, and it’s something anybody can learn how to do.

Illustrations by Angelica Alzona.

Make friendly, lasting eye contact – with a smile

Eye contact is pivotal when flirting, and Marin suggests it’s the best way to indicate your interest. It means the difference between a friendly “how-do-ya-do” conversation and a “I’d really like to get to know you” conversation. Whether you’re across the room or already talking, eye contact has been shown to boost feelings of attraction. In one study, published in the Journal of Research and Personality , strangers were asked to stare into the eyes of other strangers. After holding a mutual, friendly gaze for two minutes, most participants reported increased feelings of passionate love toward the stranger.

Marin says the trick to flirtatious eye contact is to maintain your gaze longer than usual. If you spot someone across the way, try to meet their gaze, hold it for a few seconds and look away. Repeat this a couple times and, if they aren’t giving you weird looks, then make your approach. Be cautious, though. While a kind gaze does wonders, an unbroken, wide-eyed stare is creepy. If you’re worried you’ll go overboard, use the triangle technique and smile. Nothing says “I like you” like a big ol’ smile .

Approach from the front

The wrong kind of approach will end things before they even start. When you see someone who piques your interest, Vanessa Marin , licensed marriage and family therapist and Lifehacker contributor , recommends you always approach from the front. Nobody likes being snuck up on by a stranger, and Marin notes this is especially true for men trying to approach women.

If they’re facing away, either make your way around or wait for them to move. And if they’re at the bar, at least grab a seat next to them instead of rudely tapping them on the shoulder (if, y’know, COVID restrictions allow for that). Approaching them from the front also gives you both a chance to catch each other’s glance and gauge interest.

Give compliments that go beyond looks

Compliments are great for flirting, but they’re also a dime a dozen. Dr Nerdlove , dating columnist and Kotaku contributor , suggests you step things up and compliment them on something they had a conscious hand in:

Complimenting somebody’s looks is both unoriginal and not terribly interesting. Letting someone know that you appreciate, say, their fashion sense or their insight, on the other hand, shows that you get them on a personal level.

“You’re cute” and “You have pretty eyes” aren’t going to cut it. If you can’t think of something that appeals to their choices, Marin says you should at least try and give them an unusual compliment. Say something like “You have a very confident-sounding voice,” or “You seem like someone who knows how to get the best out of people,” or “You have a delightfully offbeat personality.” Leave them with a compliment that will stick with them and make you unique.

Also, ditch the pickup lines and cheesy one-liners. One study, published in the journal Sex Roles , suggests that both men and women hate “cute-flippant” opening lines. Overall, participants in the study preferred openers that were more innocuous or direct. So skip the “Are you wearing space pants?” lines and try to strike up an actual conversation about the venue, music or a mutual friend. Otherwise, just go for it and offer to buy them a drink or make a unique compliment.

Use appropriate touch to show interest

A light touch, done carefully, is an extremely effective form of flirting for both men and women. Light touching shows interest, beyond a doubt. Additionally, your flirting may not be as obvious as you think it is, so it’s great for being more direct, as long as the situation allows and the atmosphere is appropriate. When someone is certain that you’re interested, it’s easier for them to respond in kind.

In the book Close Relationships , Dr Pamela Regan , a professor of psychology at California State University, suggests there are three main types of social touch. The first is “friendly”, which is like a light shoulder push, shoulder tap or handshake — not ideal for flirting, but good for testing the waters. The third type, “nuclear”, is the super obvious types of romantic touch, like a soft face touch or brushing someone’s hair out of their face, and is far too abrupt and forward for flirting. “Plausible deniability”, the second type of touch, is right in the middle and it’s where you want to be. It involves gentle and informal touching around the shoulder or the almost-always effective touch on the forearm. One study, published in Social Influence , found that a light touch on the forearm increased the chance participants would give out their phone number or go on a date. Just be sure the atmosphere is right when you try it. Read the other person’s body language and do not engage if you’re not sure, or you might make them feel uncomfortable.

Use playful teasing to your advantage

People want what they can’t have, and a little playful teasing shows that you’re interested, but also draws people in. Nerdlove recommends a simple technique called “pushing and pulling” , where, like a kitten with a string, you dangle a compliment within reach, then pull it back. Here are some of Nerdlove’s examples:

“You’re the coolest person I’ve met… at this bar, anyway.” “Holy crap, you really are such a nerd, it’s adorable!” “You’re awesome, I never meet people like you; get away from me, I just can’t talk to you.” “We’re never going to get along, we’re too similar.”

The key here is to absolutely avoid negging or backhanded compliments, like “You’ve got a great smile, even with those teeth.” Keep it playful, friendly, and make it abundantly clear that you’re teasing. Do it with a big smile, have fun (and be self-deprecating when it’s right). With that said, however, remember to be yourself and don’t get too caught up in the idea of needing to use playful teasing all the time.

Nerdlove says good flirting is about riffing and playing off what one another says. Don’t force a change in the conversation, and keep things light. Also, keep in mind that some people don’t like teasing or witty banter, so be ready to switch gears. If you say something unfunny or upsetting, apologise and change the topic. Don’t make it about you, and don’t shift the blame onto them, like “I’m sorry you were offended.” Acknowledge that you messed up and move on to a happier subject. When in doubt, Nerdlove suggests you just be a great listener . It gives people a chance to open up about themselves, and gives you a chance to relax.

Read signals and take a hint

Things won’t always go your way when you flirt, so it’s important to know when to throw in the towel. Nerdlove suggests it all comes down to watching the other person’s body language and listening to how they respond. If you see these signals, dial it back:

• They’re being polite, but unresponsive.
• Their smiles are quick smirks that don’t look authentic.
• They give short, uncomfortable laughs.
• They’re not volleying back jokes or questions.

Nobody likes an overbearing flirt. It’s pushy, awkward and super skeezy. Also, people talk. You never know when one bad social interaction will make things worse for you in the long run. If you swing and miss, shake it off, save face and give it a shot another day.

This article has been updated since its original publish date.

The post How To Flirt With Finesse appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .

You’d be forgiven for not being thrilled about celebrating a(nother?) pandemic Valentine’s Day. It’s often a fraught, stressful occasion in the best of times. This year, it’s all a bit horrible.

So instead — and whether you are single or happily coupled — plan a night in. Make a romantic dinner for two (or a pleasurable meal for one ) and cosy up to your streaming device to watch a romantic movie. But because this is 2021, no mere flighty rom-com will do. You need a love story that will revive a heart numbed by the havoc of the last 12 months, and we’ve got a dozen suggestions — how apropos.

Beginners

RIP to the recently departed Christopher Plummer, who gives an unforgettable, Oscar-winning performance as a terminally ill septuagenerian who only embraces his long-denied homosexuality in the waning years of his life, inspiring his sad sack son (Ewan McGregor) to take his own shot at building a genuine connection with a vivacious French actress (Mélanie Laurent). Based on his own relationship with his late father, Mike Mills’ film offers an essential reminder that it’s never too late to live genuinely. — Joel Cunningham, managing editor

Find it on: YouTube

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Written by and starring Jason Segel, my favourite rom-com follows a composer named Peter who leaves on a Hawaiian vacation in hopes of getting over his ex. Of course, his ex (Kristen Bell) is coincidentally there with her new boyfriend (Russell Brand), and the result is the type of comedy that wins through sincerity. There are a million things to praise about this movie, but what makes it unique is Peter’s subversion of the typical male lead. His earnestness is enough to get you to let your own guard down, and it also features a song for the ages, “Dracula’s Lament,” which is enough itself to help you embrace vulnerability, life’s shittiness, and comedy all at the same time. — Jordan C alhoun, deputy editor

Find it on: Netflix

When Harry Met Sally…

When this now-beloved Nora Ephron/Rob Reiner collaboration was released in 1989, critics everywhere fell all over themselves to compare it (usually with some derision) to a Woody Allen film — but three decades later, the decade-spanning will they/won’t they romance between Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal has aged line a fine wine, while some entries in Allen’s celebrated ouvre have, er, not . Credit, I think, goes not only to Ephron’s perfectly crafted screenplay and its winning performances (including memorable supporting turns from the late Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby), but to the film’s ultimately hopeful outlook on love. Finding a person that fits with you is hard, but, as Crystal’s Allen-eqsue grump Harry eventually figures out, sometimes you do want to join a club that would have you as a member. — Joel Cunningham

Find it on: Stan.

Chungking Express

Two policemen (Takeshi Kaneshiro and Tony Leung), both hung up on different women, moon around Hong Kong. There’s about 30% too much eating of expired canned pineapple. Besides that one complaint, I deeply love this charming, quirky film. — Alice Bradley, editor-in-chief

Find it on: The Criterion Channel

A New Leaf

Henry Graham (Walter Matthau) is a playboy who finds himself out of money and in need of a rich wife: Henrietta Lowell (Elaine May, who also directed) is a shy, hopelessly awkward woman with the wealth that Henry requires. Will Henry find love, or murder Henrietta out of frustration and disgust? I’m not going to say, but then, this isn’t in “Most Murdery Movies.” — Alice Bradley

Find it on: YouTube

Moonlight

Often best remembered for the way its Best Picture Oscar win happened, we might be distracted from why it won: Moonlight is a work of art. Directed by Barry Jenkins, the story follows three stages of a boy’s life as he navigates being Black and gay through his boyhood, teens, and finally as an adult. It speaks on themes of Blackness, masculinity, and sexuality, and even aside from dozens of awards that celebrate its accomplishments, it would be worth it enough to watch the romantic dinner scene in the film’s third act. — Jordan Calhoun

Find it on: Netflix

The Shape of Water

Guillermo del Toro’s Best Picture winner has been referred to as “that movie where the lady fucks a fish” and, well, I can’t quite disagree. But it’s story of a meek janitorial worker at a secret government lab who forges an unexpected connection with a creature from another world is as touching a portrait of barrier-breaking love as it is a weird and imaginative science-fictional tale. If Sally Hawkins and Doug Jones can make it work despite language barriers, special differences, and a maniacal government agent (Michael Shannon), maybe love really can conquer all. — Joel Cunningham

Find it on: YouTube

Secretary

Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) gets a job as secretary to a demanding lawyer, Edward Grey (James Spader). What happens next is 50 Shades of … Spader. Managing editor Joel Cunningham called this a “bold choice,” but I stand by this as a love story. What’s more romantic than two people with compatible kinks finding each other? — Alice Bradley

Find it on: Amazon Prime Video

The Half of It

Our most cynical natures need a cynical lead character to feel realistic enough break into our hearts, and I knew The Half of It ’s Ellie Chu would deliver from her opening warning that this one’s not a happily-ever-after love story. As it turns out, Ellie would find love in a place she least expected, but she’d find other things along the way that matter more. Written and directed by Alice Wu, this immigrant LGBT coming-of-age teen love story charming, unique, funny, and, perhaps most importantly, doesn’t make happily-ever-after the ultimate goal for a young girl who has so much else ahead of her. — Jor dan Calhoun

Find it on: Netflix

The Big Sick

Touching and hilarious in equal measure, The Big Sick illustrates that love can endure through any hardship. Kumail Nanjiani (of Silicon Valley fame) plays a working standup comedian and Uber driver who hooks up with a psychology student (Zoe Kazan) that hits the rocks due to cultural differences, then grows more complicated when she develops a mysterious illness. Considering it is based on the real-life relationship between Kumail and his wife and co-screenwriter Emily V. Gordon, you can guess how it ends — which really makes it that much more of a balm in these shitty times. — Sam Blum, staff writer

Find it on: Netflix

About Time

Everyone loves Love Actually (unless they hate it), but my favourite Richard Curtis movie is this later effort, in which a man (Domhnall Gleeson) who discovers he has the power to move through time realises that true happiness isn’t found in changing the past, but embracing the magic of every present moment. (Which, to be fair, is probably easier when you’re rich, live in a gorgeous seaside home, and are married to Racel McAdams, but still, life lessons and such.) — Joel Cunningham

Find it on: Netflix

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I miss the days when screenwriter Charlie Kaufman didn’t direct his own projects; outside collaborators seem to have helped him temper the misanthropic doomer tendancies that have made his more recent works such downers. Consider this, his best film, directed with understated whimsey by Michel Gondry: A dysfunctional couple (played by Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet) makes use of weird new tech (“Technically speaking, the procedure is brain damage,” the doctor notes) to erase their memories of one another from their minds, but still manage to find one another again, suggesting even (possibly) doomed love is better than no love at all. — Joel C unningham

Find it on: Digital rental

The post 12 Romantic Movies to Thaw Even the Coldest Hearts appeared first on Lifehacker Australia .