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      Motherhood has changed my wife’s body – and I’m no longer attracted to her

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · 3 days ago - 08:00 · 1 minute

    I love her very much, and think she is beautiful, but I sometimes struggle to get an erection when we’re making love. What can I do? I worry for our marriage

    I’m 39 and have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have a four-year-old and another baby on the way. I love her very much, but ageing and being a mother has taken its toll on her body . I struggle to feel sexually attracted to her, even though I think she is beautiful. On some occasions , I’ve failed to get an erection when we have tried to make love, and she gets angry and frustrated with me. Despite trying, we have not had sex since she became pregnant with our second child, as I can’t manage it. I don’t know what I can do to get the spark back but I worry for our marriage.

    Thank you for your frankness. Many people will find what you have written deeply abhorrent, but, in fact, what you have said illustrates something that many men experience but are afraid to express. It is an unpleasant and unpalatable fact that any change in a partner’s appearance – particularly for those who are visually attuned – can cause a shift in physical attraction.

    Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

    If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions .

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      This is how we do it: ‘At 80, I’ve discovered a sexual energy I didn’t know I had’

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · 6 days ago - 12:00

    Until they met, both Hugh and Amelia doubted they’d ever have sex again – but since they got together there is no stopping them
    How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously

    The sexual attraction is instantaneous: when we embrace I switch on to a level of arousal I cannot remember having with anybody else

    The emotional and psychological connection was so strong that the physical became a tidal wave

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      The Japanese sex drought: why are married women so uninterested in making love?

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Wednesday, 20 March - 15:59


    The country’s celibacy epidemic hit the news in 2013 – and it has grown much, much worse. But it certainly isn’t the only place to be afflicted

    Name: The Japanese Sex Drought.

    Age: First floated in 2013.

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      I’m not attracted to my girlfriend – but I want to spend the rest of my life with her

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Wednesday, 20 March - 13:53 · 1 minute

    I love her and don’t want to lose her, but she desires sex more than I do and I find myself criticising her eating and exercise habits. What should I do?

    I’m struggling in my relationship and I think my girlfriend is catching on. I am an 18-year-old man and she is 19 . I know already that she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know I am lucky to have found her and I don’t want to let her go. But, while she always has a high sex drive for me, I do not have the same for her. I have sex with her semi-regularly, but it is never really passionate and I don’t get much satisfaction from it. I’m aware that my feelings about her are coming through in everyday conversations . I sometimes mention, for instance, that what she is eating isn’t the best, or that she should go to the gym more often . I know this is unhealthy and is making her unhappy. I don’t know how to solve this problem, let alone work out what it even is.

    At 18, you are just at the beginning of your sexual and relationship journey. It’s important to recognise that learning how to navigate sexual relationships and how to achieve true intimacy is a process that takes a lifetime. No matter how smart or accomplished a person might be, they will always make mistakes and have to learn from them.

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      Men enthusiastically express their heterosexuality in Ghana, so why is being queer so unacceptable? | Elliot Kwabena Akosa

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Tuesday, 19 March - 08:00

    Ghana is the latest state to suppress LGBTQ people, calling us un-African. But the ‘traditional culture’ they seek to protect was imposed by colonialism

    In the past 10 years, Ghana has transitioned from indifference towards LGBTQ+ people to outright hostility. The human sexual rights and family values bill doubles down on the banning of gay sex and prohibits the promotion or outward support of LGBTQ+ individuals.

    To the dismay of queer people and their allies in Ghana and across the world, this bill has been approved by parliament and is waiting to be signed into law by President Nana Akufo-Addo.

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      Tell us: how did your relationship survive infidelity?

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Monday, 18 March - 23:00

    Many consider sexual affairs to be the ultimate dealbreaker, but some couples can overcome these transgressions. If that is you, we want to hear how you did it

    Cheating is often regarded as the mother of all relationship crimes, but it doesn’t always result in a couple calling it quits.

    We want to hear how you navigated the fallout from a sexual betrayal. What motivated you to try to work things out? And how did you find your way back to a place of trust and togetherness?

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      This is how we do it: ‘We set up email accounts to send sexy messages to each other’

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Saturday, 16 March - 12:00

    Following a blip in their marriage, Maria and Leo set up ‘sin boxes’ and have started keeping a journal of their sexual fantasies

    How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously

    An incident drove us to talk honestly about what it means to desire someone other than your partner

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      My wife refuses to end her affair because she enjoys the sex too much. What should I do?

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Tuesday, 12 March - 08:00 · 1 minute

    She says everything in our relationship is perfect – except that she’s no longer attracted to me

    My wife of 20 years has told me she has been having an affair for the past year. She justified it by saying that she has no sexual interest in me any more, to the point that she feels numb when we have sex. She says everything else in our relationship is perfect . We are both fit and good-looking, we get on very well and we enjoy holidays with our daughter. But, despite my requests, she won’t stop the affair , because she is enjoying the sex. I am extremely hurt by this. I would like to do couples therapy to try to work things out, but she refuses, as she thinks it would be a waste of time – that, once lost, desire can never come back.

    It is not true that desire cannot come back, but there are obvious challenges in your marriage, since there must be willingness to try from both partners. You are being remarkably stoical about this and I wonder why. Has your entire relationship been like this? If you can be patient, you might wait for her affair to lose its punch, but that would be painful and risky. Couples therapy could help, but if she won’t agree to it I recommend you seek individual therapy, as you clearly need support. At the very least, you could search for answers to why you allow her to call the shots.

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      This is how we do it: ‘To stop sex getting boring, we’re trying to spice things up’

      news.movim.eu / TheGuardian · Saturday, 9 March - 12:00

    By having candid conversations, Beatriz and Tomás are putting pleasure and intimacy back into their relationship

    How do you do it? Share the story of your sex life, anonymously

    At the beginning of our relationship, we were having sex in semi-public spaces, like on the balcony of a hotel room

    I find so much joy in taking my time exploring and playing with Beatriz

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