The internet has made stalking easier to carry out – and harder to prove and prosecute. It took me four years to see my tormentor in court. At least now I can get on with healing
Being stalked can sometimes feel like having a wound that is trying to heal around a foreign object. Days, weeks, even months can go by without incident, but all it takes is one more instance of unwanted contact for the object to be twisted and all the healing to come undone. It can be hard – even for me, a poet who works with language and words every day – to fully articulate the impact of this experience. Being stalked warps not only your sense of self and time, but also your grasp on reality; simultaneously navigating the flawed criminal justice system while living in fear can make you feel as though you are losing your mind.
I was in a domestically abusive relationship in my early 20s, but
am always hesitant to go into detail about my personal experiences with stalking and domestic abuse. I still feel the shame, compounded by societal stigma and misconceptions, but that is precisely why I want to talk about it – to help others avoid going through similar pain. People think abusers suddenly turn on their partners, but it’s often a gradual erosion of boundaries; they think it’s easy to leave, but, by the time you work up the courage, the pit is so deep that escape often feels impossible. They also think reporting abuse to the police is straightforward and justice is assured, but neither of these things could be further from the truth.
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