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U.S. Tanks In Ukraine Already Destroyed After Being Easily Recognized By Their Rainbow Camouflage

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Friday, 27 January, 2023 - 18:43

UKRAINE — Mere hours after deploying 31 brand new U.S. M1 Abrams tanks, sources are now reporting all 31 of them have been destroyed by the Russians. Experts are attributing this to the fact that each of the 31 tanks featured rainbow camouflage that was easily visible to the enemy Russians.

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In Hilarious Prank, God Makes 1 Out Of Every 20 Pistachios Taste Like Flaming Rotten Garbage

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Friday, 27 January, 2023 - 18:26

CLAREMONT, CA — Theologians at the Claremont School of Theology put forward additional evidence that God has a sense of humor by pointing out that 1 out of every 20 pistachios tastes like flaming hot garbage.

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Lucky Charms Unveils New Ukrainian Flag Marshmallow

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Friday, 27 January, 2023 - 16:11

GOLDEN VALLEY, MN — Move aside, purple horseshoes! General Mills announced today an exciting new addition to their Lucky Charms marshmallow lineup: Ukraine Flag charms, available for a limited time only.

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9 Warning Signs Your Child Is Cisgender

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Friday, 27 January, 2023 - 00:38

We all want what's best for our children. That's why it's important to educate them early on how to deny gender normativity and embrace dysphoria. What will people think if your child becomes a "normie?" That would be the worst!

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Ukrainian, Russian Soldiers Snap Adorable Photo With Their Matching American Tanks

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Thursday, 26 January, 2023 - 23:02

KHERSON, UKRAINE — In an incident some have labeled the Ukraine-Russia War's "Christmas Truce," Ukrainian and Russian soldiers have paused their fighting to capture a photo of their adorable matching American tanks.

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TikTokker Furious As No One Has Ogled Her At Gym All Morning

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Thursday, 26 January, 2023 - 22:10

LAGUNA NIGUEL, CA — A local TikTokker was left angry today after she was unable to achieve her goal of drawing attention from men at the gym, who she could then berate on camera and shame publicly on social media.

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Pfizer Pleased To Announce Their New Vaccine 90% Effective Against New Virus They Created

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Thursday, 26 January, 2023 - 20:13

NEW YORK, NY — Pfizer Inc. dropped their new COVID variant and accompanying vaccine Thursday at midnight, much to the delight of CDC officials. The new vaccine is reportedly shown to be 90% effective against the COVID variant Pfizer created in their lab.

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Local Hen Surpasses Elon Musk In Net Worth

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Thursday, 26 January, 2023 - 19:40

WOOSTER, OH — With egg prices soaring to historic highs, multi-billionaire Elon Musk has been dethroned as world's richest after local farmer Old Man Hopkins reported that his New Hampshire Red — who he had named "Hen" — had surpassed Musk in net worth.

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The Bee Presents: A More Realistic Order Of Worship

tests.marevalo.net / The Babylon Bee · Sunday, 22 January, 2023 - 21:11

If you've been to church lately, you have probably noticed that the so-called "order of worship" really serves as more of a vague set of suggestions. Here, we present to you a more realistic order of worship, in all its glory: